Arguing with my own brain

I'm finding that my brain has turned into a bit of a toddler. I love reading, especially about psychology and anthropology, but something in my brain seems to resent being told what to read. It avoids reading something on the set list in favour of reading a different article relating to psychology. I end up arguing with my own brain which has suddenly become a three year old. Something like this:

Brain: "But I want to read THIS instead! I'll read that later... first I want to read this psychology magazine, a bit of that novel, this 200 comment thread... THEN I'll read the homework stuff."

Me: "Come on brain! It's only two chapters! Read this, then read the fun stuff. You'll find this piece interesting anyway, it's psychology and anthropology! You love this stuff!

Brain: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" [stamps metaphorical foot].

Me: "Come on brain. You're even reading about psychology now, just read this other bit about psychology that we have to read first..."

Brain: "NO!! I WANNA READ THIS!! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! AND IF YOU TRY THEN I JUST WON'T PAY ATTENTION AND YOU'LL HAVE TO READ IT LOADS OF TIMES BEFORE I'LL BOTHER TRYING TO PROCESS IT. SO THERE. JUST ONE MORE  SIDETRACK FIRST. WWWAAAAA!"

Me: "[sigh] Brain, you are a pervert. If I HAD to read that post, you'd be avoiding it by reading the material we've been assigned."

Brain: [sucks thumb] "I'm an intellectual rebel."

Thinking Block

Frozen in fear of GETTING IT WRONG, I've found myself delaying this first blog post. I've tried, believe me I've tried, but I've written, critiqued, erased and then delayed some more. Waiting for the time when the perfect words will come to me, and I'll be happy with whatever I've put together. The attempts have just not been good enough, so surely it's better not to post them at all?

I have to write my own opinion about an essay concerning mathematics, then discuss it in a group later this week. As a card-carrying sufferer of maths phobia, I've found this task impossible. So I've also delayed, procrastinated, read round and then given up on that as well. The fear of writing about it and getting it horribly wrong and looking like a fool have made me freeze and stop thinking.

I've finally found the block and I'm pushing at it, clambering over it and giving it the finger.
I'm so consumed with fear of getting it wrong and negative thoughts about myself and my abilities or lack thereof that I can hardly think about the problem at hand, let alone process the information. Not doing it at all isn't an option, and this brain freeze is only making the process harder. So what if I get it wrong? I'm trying, and anything I try and get wrong is better than avoiding it altogether. I won't learn a thing that way.

The same goes for this blog, except that here there is no right or wrong, only expression. I'm going to take Sark's advice and practice the art of being splendidly imperfect.